I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
