dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
