A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
