last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
