i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
