Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
