Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
