so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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