He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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