just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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