dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
