WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
