Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
