If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
