i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
