I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
