Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
