so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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