Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
