it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
BRING THE BAGELS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
