And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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