Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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