True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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