My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
