Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
