I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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