I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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