He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
