Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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