hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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