i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
