she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
