Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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