Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
