and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
