Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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