I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
