all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
