so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He passed out mid-signature
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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