I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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