she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
