New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
