best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
