That's intense
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
