my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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