Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
