i jhust puked up my retainher.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
