last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
