All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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