i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
