You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
