next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she told me i tasted like america
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
