not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
