but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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