I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
