No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
