i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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