We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
